Co-sleeping between children and their parents is common during the early years of a child’s life. Research in family psychology indicates that nearly 60% of children worldwide sleep with their mothers or fathers during their first three years. Sometimes, however, this habit extends beyond the appropriate age and turns into a real challenge.
Bedtime may shift from a calm, anticipated moment into a long negotiation—especially when a child insists on sleeping next to their mother, refusing their own bed or room. Between feelings of guilt, concern for the child’s emotional well-being, and daily exhaustion, many mothers find themselves asking:
Is this behavior normal?
When does it become a problem?
What is the appropriate age for a child to sleep away from their mother?
How can this be handled without harshness or shouting?
To answer these questions, Dr. Essam Abdelghafar, Professor of Child Psychiatry, provides a comprehensive explanation of why some children remain attached to sleeping with their mothers beyond the suitable age, along with practical parenting solutions and gentle, reassuring words that help mothers guide their children without increasing fear or emotional harm.
Is It Normal for a Child to Sleep Next to Their Mother?
Yes, during the first months of life, sleeping next to the mother is completely natural. A newborn is entirely dependent on their mother and feels safe through her physical closeness, voice, and even scent. Co-sleeping may continue on the same bed until six months or even the first year.
For a child, sleep is not just physical rest—it is a vulnerable moment that requires reassurance and deep emotional security. However, what starts as a natural behavior can gradually turn into long-term dependence if it continues beyond the appropriate age without gentle guidance.
The Appropriate Age for a Child to Leave the Mother’s Bed
There is no single strict age that applies to all children, but parenting experts generally agree on the following:
From birth to 2 years: Sleeping next to the mother or in the same room is common and acceptable, especially for breastfeeding and reassurance.
From 3 to 4 years: The child begins developing emotional independence. It is preferable to gradually encourage sleeping in a separate bed, either in the same room or in their own room.
From 5 years onward: Continuing to sleep with the mother may indicate excessive attachment, anxiety, or unresolved fears.
What matters most is not the age itself, but how the transition happens. Sudden or forced separation can lead to negative outcomes.
Gradual Steps to Move a Child to Their Own Room
A gradual approach is recommended:
Stage One: The child sleeps in their own bed, but inside the parents’ room.
Stage Two: Move the bed to the child’s room, keeping the door open or using a dim night light.
Stage Three: Full independent sleep, with reassurance that parents are nearby.
This gradual transition helps the child feel secure and reduces separation anxiety.
Why Does a Child Become Attached to Sleeping with Their Mother?
Understanding the reason is half the solution. Common causes include:
Fear of the dark or nightmares: These push the child to seek safety—usually with the mother.
Anxiety or stress: Family conflicts, sudden changes (a new sibling, moving homes, starting school) can increase clinginess.
Comfortable habit: Some children co-sleep for years without attempts to change, making it harder to break the routine.
Lack of bedtime routine: Inconsistent sleep schedules make children more dependent on their mother.
Feeling a lack of attention: Sometimes bedtime is the only moment a child feels close to their mother.
When Does Sleeping with the Mother Become a Problem?
It becomes a concern when it:
Affects the mother’s sleep and mental health
Prevents the child from developing independence
Causes intense anxiety when separation is attempted
Continues into an advanced age without clear reasons
At this point, calm and thoughtful parental intervention is needed—without punishment or blame.
7 Practical Solutions for Handling a Child’s Refusal to Sleep Alone
Address nighttime fears using night lights or relaxation techniques.
Consult a child psychologist if anxiety persists or worsens.
Choose gradual change, not sudden decisions.
Establish a consistent bedtime routine (warm bath, calm story, prayer, hug, goodnight kiss).
Reassure the child—do not mock or dismiss their fear.
Use positive reinforcement and praise small successes.
Dedicate special quality time before bed to meet emotional needs.
Words You Should Say to Your Child
Words make a powerful difference. Try phrases like:
“I am close to you, even when you’re in your room.”
“Your room is safe, and I check on you.”
“You are growing up and becoming brave—I’m proud of you.”
“If you need me, I’m here.”
Avoid phrases such as:
“You’re too old for this fear.”
“Stop being spoiled.”
“If you don’t sleep alone, I’ll be angry.”
The Father’s Role
Helping a child sleep independently is not the mother’s responsibility alone. A supportive, calm, and involved father—especially during bedtime routines—reduces the burden on the mother and gives the child a stronger sense of security.
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