Is My Child Selfish or Just Growing Up? Understanding and Guiding Your Child’s Behavior

Mothers often pay close attention to their children while they play at home or with siblings and neighbors. One day, a mother noticed her four-year-old son playing with the neighbor’s children. Within minutes, he suddenly grabbed a toy from his friend’s hands and shouted, “It’s mine!”

The mother tried to intervene gently but was surprised when the other child began to cry — and her son refused to share the toy.

This short moment may seem ordinary, but it sparked real concern in the mother’s heart. She began to wonder:

👉 Is my child selfish?

👉 Or is this just a normal developmental stage?

So how can parents tell the difference between a natural phase and a behavioral issue that needs guidance or professional help?

Nadormagazine spoke with Dr. Salwa Nassar, professor of Education and Child Psychology, to understand the true meaning of selfishness, its signs, and how to address it effectively — including whether boys and girls differ in expressing it.

What Is Selfishness in Children?

Selfishness is not an inborn trait. Even if it appears clearly, it is a signal that your child needs guidance, emotional support, and direction.

A selfish child focuses heavily on their own needs and desires, often ignoring the feelings or needs of others.

While some degree of self-centeredness is normal in early childhood, excessive selfishness calls for parental attention to teach empathy, sharing, and generosity.

Common Signs of Selfishness

Refusing to share toys or belongings and getting upset when requests are denied.
Wanting to be the center of attention and seeking special treatment.
Resorting to aggression or hitting when asked to share.
Owning plenty of things but still wanting more.

These behaviors are opportunities for parents to instill values of cooperation and kindness — because what a child learns at home shapes who they become later in life.

Quick Questions to Test Your Child’s Selfishness

Before labeling a child as selfish, parents should ask themselves:

Does your child often refuse to share toys or food even with close friends or siblings?
Does your child interrupt others or insist that everything go their way?
Do they get upset when others receive praise or attention?
Do they show little interest in others’ feelings or needs?
Are they reluctant to apologize or admit mistakes?
Do they constantly compare themselves to others out of jealousy or entitlement?

👉 If most answers are “yes,” your child’s behavior may lean toward selfishness beyond what’s typical for early childhood.

Expert Insight

Selfishness is not always a flaw — it can be a normal stage of psychological development.

In early childhood, self-focus is natural; the child hasn’t yet developed full empathy or perspective-taking.
If it persists, it might indicate unmet emotional needs, learned behaviors from adults, or limited social experiences.
Environmental factors — such as sibling rivalry, school competition, or excessive individual praise — can also reinforce selfish behavior.

Thus, some selfishness is temporary, but when it grows stronger or lasts longer, it requires guidance.

Do Boys and Girls Differ in Selfishness?

Yes — studies show that selfishness manifests differently between boys and girls:

Boys often express it openly and directly — by grabbing toys or dominating group play.
Girls may show it more subtly — by excluding a friend or using emotions to influence others.

Social upbringing plays a huge role: boys are often encouraged to be assertive, while girls are guided to build relationships strategically.

This doesn’t mean one gender is more selfish — rather, they’re taught to express the same behavior in different ways.

Practical Solutions for Parents

Be a role model: Show generosity and empathy in your own actions.
Use stories and role-play: They help children imagine how others feel.
Reward cooperation: Praise teamwork and sharing more than individual achievement.
Encourage group activities: Sports or cooperative games teach patience and fairness.
Set clear boundaries: Make sure your child knows that selfish actions have consequences.
Ask reflective questions: “How would you feel if someone did that to you?”
Build empathy routines: Write gratitude notes or involve your child in helping others.
Seek professional help: If selfishness affects friendships or emotional growth.

Final Tips for Mothers and Fathers

Be consistent: Mixed messages confuse the child.
Avoid labeling: Say “that’s a selfish act,” not “you are selfish.”
Teach emotional vocabulary: So your child can express feelings instead of acting out.
Create a family culture of fairness and sharing: Divide tasks and encourage turn-taking.
Monitor influences: Media and peers can promote excessive individuality.

Remember: Empathy is a learned skill, not an inborn one — and you play the leading role in teaching it.