Understanding and Managing Tantrums in Children: When to Seek Help

Tantrums occur when a child loses control of their emotions. This is normal because young children often struggle to express themselves or their feelings—whether it’s anger, frustration, jealousy, or disappointment. They simply don’t have the words to communicate these emotions. Some children may have tantrums where they scream, kick, slam doors, fall down, throw themselves on the ground, and more. Some even hold their breath, and others can become very aggressive, hitting or pushing.

However, in some cases, tantrums may be a sign of a more serious problem requiring the care of a psychologist. According to the website "raisingchildren," here are the signs of tantrums in children that need urgent attention and consultation with a mental health professional:

Signs of Pathological Tantrums in Children

• Severe tantrums: If a child’s tantrums are very intense, they should be seen by a psychologist immediately.

• Long duration: If a tantrum lasts for a very long time (more than 30 minutes or even hours), this may indicate a serious condition requiring specialist treatment.

• Frequent tantrums: If the child has frequent tantrums, even several times a day, it could signal a deeper issue.

• Physical harm: If the tantrums involve self-harm or harm to others (breaking things, trying to hurt themselves or others), this is a serious sign.

• Loss of control: If the child loses control during tantrums and is very difficult to calm down, even after attempts, this may need professional help.

• Unusual behavior: If the child’s tantrum behavior is different from other children of the same age, it may indicate abnormal development needing more attention.

• Trauma-related tantrums: If tantrums are linked to a traumatic experience or event (like death, divorce, etc.), the child may need extra support to overcome stress or trauma.

• Social or academic impact: If tantrums interfere with the child’s ability to interact with peers or affect school performance, it may indicate a treatable condition.

• Parental difficulty: If parents find it hard to manage their child’s tantrums and lose control, this is a sign to consult a doctor.

You can learn to recognize tantrums in your 4-year-old child.

Smart Ways to Handle Tantrums

Parents who respond calmly and consistently help their young children understand limits, which helps them feel safer and more in control. Here are some smart ways to deal with tantrums:

• Immediate response: If your child’s tantrum turns aggressive—hitting, kicking, biting, or throwing things—try to stop them immediately and remove them from the situation.

• Avoid shouting: If you shout, your child will fear your tone. Children imitate how you handle anger. Instead, focus on the frustration or sadness they feel during the tantrum and talk to them calmly about why they’re upset.

• Let your child be angry: Sometimes, children just need to vent their anger. Let them express it without yelling or fighting back.

• Use short commands: Tantrums can often be avoided with clear, simple, and direct commands. The more specific, the better. If your child is in a bad mood, give clear instructions on what you want them to do briefly.

• Hug your child: Stay with your child during the tantrum and offer ways to calm them down, like a warm hug. It may seem like the last thing you want to do, but hugging helps the child feel safe and cared for, even if you don’t approve of their behavior.