Many mothers notice a common behavior: children tend to be calmer, more polite, and more obedient in their father’s presence. Because of this, some mothers take advantage of the time the child spends with the father to encourage him to do homework quickly or finish his meals. What many mothers don’t realize is that a mother’s psychological and emotional nature plays a major role in this phenomenon.
Some mothers accuse fathers of spoiling the children too much, while at the same time the child cleverly uses the father’s presence to pressure the mother into giving in to his requests. To understand this contradiction in a child’s behavior with each parent, Sayidaty and Your Child met with educational counselor Jihan Zughbar, who explained five reasons why children are often more stubborn with their mothers than obedient to their fathers.
1. The Child Feels Free to Be Himself With His Mother
The mother is the child’s first world—the source of safety, tenderness, and unconditional love. With her, the child feels comfortable enough to express his true emotions without restraint. He knows that his mother will accept both his strengths and his flaws.
In contrast, the father is often associated with firmness, discipline, and criticism, which makes the child more cautious about his behavior. Because of this comfort, excessive indulgence by the mother can unintentionally lead to stubbornness. Over-spoiling creates a child who resists requests, especially during school age, because he knows his mother may struggle to enforce strict consequences like the father does.
2. The Mother Is More Tired and Less Available
Mothers are usually more exhausted than fathers, as they are responsible for caring for the children most of the time. Fatigue and stress may reduce patience, causing the mother to sometimes give in quickly—or at other times react harshly.
The child learns that stubbornness can be a tool to pressure his tired mother into giving him what he wants. This inconsistency reinforces defiant behavior. If the mother is overwhelmed, the child may turn to the father to fulfill requests the mother overlooked or delayed. Organizing time and reducing exhaustion help the mother maintain emotional balance and set healthy boundaries.
3. Spending More Time With the Mother Encourages Boundary-Testing
Fathers are often described as the “present absentee” due to long working hours. When they return home, they need rest and calm, so their presence is limited and often associated with peaceful family moments.
Because the father feels like a “guest,” the child behaves politely and shows his best side. With the mother—who is present throughout the day—the child feels safe enough to test boundaries. To balance this, mothers should dedicate quality time to their children after household tasks, turning it into fun and bonding time, not just discipline and responsibility.
4. The Father Sets Firmer Rules
Fathers typically establish clear, strict rules and routines that children know should not be broken. Children recognize that fathers are less likely to change decisions once they are made.
On the other hand, children understand their mother’s emotional sensitivity and compassion, and may exploit it. When parents are inconsistent or give conflicting instructions, children tend to side with the parent who is more flexible. A unified parenting approach is essential so the child does not manipulate one parent against the other.
5. Mothers Are Detail-Oriented, Fathers Are More Lenient
When problems arise, mothers often analyze details, causes, and emotions deeply. Fathers, however, prefer quick solutions and tend to avoid prolonged conflict, crying, or chaos—especially after a long workday.
This difference in nature means fathers may overlook mistakes that mothers consider serious. Some educators view this as negligence, but it often stems from a father’s need for peace at home. Fathers usually rely on the mother’s reports and delegate most child-rearing decisions to her, stepping in mainly to enforce discipline when necessary.
In Conclusion
A child’s stubbornness with his mother is not a sign of disrespect, but rather a reflection of emotional safety, attachment, and the dynamics of daily interaction. Understanding these differences helps parents work together, set consistent boundaries, and nurture a balanced, emotionally healthy child.
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