Parental expectations reflect parents’ hopes and desires regarding their children’s achievements and future. They have a significant impact and can be positive, acting as motivation, or negative, creating pressure. Excessive expectations may cause anxiety, stress, or perfectionism. Often, these expectations stem from parents’ experiences and aspirations.
During engagement, parental expectations typically focus on acceptance and approval of the partner, based on compatibility, proper acquaintance, and ensuring financial and emotional stability for the future. Social and traditional expectations may also include mutual respect, good relationship management, and concerns about excessive interference or difficulty adapting. Parents usually seek to see maturity and understanding between the couple to overcome these concerns.
The Role of Parents in Establishing a Healthy Married Life
Father takes a selfie with his wife, daughter, and her fiancé in a friendly setting – treating parents with kindness and wisdom is crucial, as their expectations during engagement are a major factor for marital success – Source: Freepik
Family relationships expert, Doaa Tantawi, tells Nadormagazine: “The goal of the engagement period is to get to know your life partner and understand their personality before marriage. Parental expectations during engagement are not only important but essential, as they reflect their values and aspirations for their children’s future. These expectations should provide guidance and advice, but should not override the decisions of the couple, who are the foundation of the new family. Expectations should be logical and based on religion and ethics, not arbitrary conditions. The role of parents should remain advisory to avoid conflicts and establish a solid marital foundation.”
The following link explains what you need to know during engagement.
The Importance of Parental Expectations During Engagement
Parents talk with their daughter and her fiancé – parental wisdom plays a key role in guiding open dialogue.
Providing Guidance and Wisdom
Parental wisdom is crucial for guiding children in open conversations about finances, future plans, lifestyle, and family relationships. This ensures a deep understanding of one’s life partner, increases security, fosters understanding, and reduces future conflicts. Parents’ experiences allow them to foresee aspects that the young couple may overlook at the start of their relationship.
Supporting the Emerging Family
Parental expectations during engagement are a key factor for marital success. They facilitate mutual understanding between families, prevent future conflicts by establishing clear foundations, reduce shocks, and build trust. They also align perspectives on important matters like finances and child-rearing, ensuring a more stable marriage.
Laying the Foundations for Marriage
Parental expectations help establish mutual understanding regarding the future, finances, family roles, and child-rearing. They foster trust, enhance communication, and instill core values like honesty, affection, and compassion, creating a supportive environment for a successful marriage. Expectations may also cover religion, ethics, ambition, and the concept of marriage, which are essential for relationship stability.
The following link provides tips for resolving parental conflicts during engagement.
Effective Tips for Managing Parental Expectations
Doaa Tantawi suggests handling parental expectations with honesty, respect, and clear boundaries, while focusing on personal growth. Supporting your mental health through exercise and positive communication, finding compromises, and understanding parents’ perspectives without compromising independence and decision-making can be achieved as follows:
1. Effective Communication and Setting Expectations
Open Dialogue
Grandmother welcomes granddaughter’s fiancé while mother talks to her daughter – managing parental expectations requires understanding, flexibility, and intelligence as they want what’s best for their children.
Listen carefully to their perspectives to understand their concerns and aspirations. Express your feelings and desires respectfully during calm moments, set realistic expectations, and demonstrate responsibility. Speak openly with your parents about your goals and emotions while showing respect.
Understanding Their Motivations
Understand why your parents hold certain expectations. Approach them with empathy, recognizing that their concerns usually stem from love, care, and a desire to see you succeed. Often, their motivations arise from fear for your future or wish for your stability, but maintaining your independence is key.
Offering Alternatives
After understanding their expectations, offer practical alternatives instead of outright refusal. Set clear guidelines, discuss anticipated behaviors, and maintain calm communication if expectations seem unrealistic. Suggest alternative plans that achieve your goals in your own way, highlight potential positive outcomes, and involve them in solutions to build trust and understanding.
2. Setting Boundaries and Self-Respect
Healthy Boundaries
Communicate clearly and firmly, e.g., “I cannot discuss this right now,” and limit unnecessary sharing. Boundaries are not selfish; they protect the relationship. Learn to say “no” politely to preserve respect and maintain the relationship.
Selective Listening
Focus on positive points and ignore comparisons. Replace criticism with encouraging thoughts internally. Gradually develop verbal communication skills through gestures like smiling and waving, avoid pressure, listen with a smile, and gradually increase confidence while requesting space when needed.
3. Prioritizing Mental Health
Self-Care
Focus on personal growth for your own sake, strengthen relationships outside the family, and prioritize self-care activities. Maintain physical and mental health through exercise, nutrition, and sufficient rest.
Emotional Release
Acknowledge and express feelings through journaling or confiding in trusted friends. Set healthy boundaries, seek support from friends or therapists if necessary, and practice exercise, relaxation, and breathing techniques to reduce stress.
4. Maintaining Independence
Building Autonomy
Independence does not mean severing ties. Be responsible in daily decisions and actions, gradually gain independence if needed, and demonstrate your capability to your parents.
Balance
Set personal goals honestly, aligning them with your values. Strive to satisfy your parents through dedication and effort without sacrificing your dreams. Balance respect for parental opinions with preserving personal independence and decision-making.
5. Seeking Professional Help
Do not hesitate to consult a psychologist or family expert if parental pressure significantly affects your emotional health. They can provide strategies for managing anxiety, frustration, decision-making difficulties, and improving family communication, or facilitate dialogue when necessary.
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