The engagement period is considered an important and decisive stage for genuine acquaintance between partners before marriage. It is an opportunity to assess compatibility, determine emotional and intellectual harmony, and discover true personalities. However, with today’s social and technological changes, several challenges have emerged during this phase. These challenges may cause confusion and sometimes lead to inappropriate advice for both partners.
Engagement as an Opportunity to Evaluate Emotional and Intellectual Harmony
According to Amal Ismail, a family relationship expert, the engagement period represents a vital bridge between the decision to marry and the beginning of shared life. It is a chance to evaluate compatibility, assess emotional and intellectual harmony, discover real traits such as generosity, communication skills, and emotional support, and plan for the future.
This stage should be invested wisely in building trust and mutual understanding to avoid future shocks. Naturally, challenges and problems may arise during engagement. Many of these challenges stem from the gap between expectations and reality, often influenced by romantic movies and social media, which promote idealized and unrealistic images of marriage. When these expectations collide with reality, disappointment and misunderstanding can occur. In addition, financial and practical future issues require honesty, realism, and patience to strengthen the relationship and avoid post-marriage conflicts.
Key Realistic Challenges During the Engagement Period
1. Communication and Clarity
One of the most common challenges is ineffective communication, including poor listening skills, difficulty expressing emotions and real needs, lack of clarity, and avoiding discussions about essential matters such as finances, work, the future, and children. Emotional dryness, indifference, hiding flaws, or lack of honesty at the beginning—often due to fear of commitment—can create an emotional gap between partners.
2. Unrealistic Expectations
These include believing that the partner is perfect or that marriage will solve all problems. Such expectations are often influenced by movies and social media, which portray distorted images of relationships. This leads to disappointment and conflict when reality emerges. Examples include believing in “the perfect partner,” expecting 100% compatibility, or assuming that love eliminates the need for apologies or compromise.
3. Financial Issues
Financial challenges revolve around differing expectations, spending habits, societal pressures, dowries, and lack of transparency regarding debts and assets. This requires open discussions about budgets, financial goals, and division of responsibilities to ensure stability after marriage. Conflicts often arise between a “saver” and a “spender,” as well as from expectations of a lifestyle beyond one’s means.
4. Family Involvement and Boundaries
Excessive family interference in private matters or major decisions, difficulty setting clear boundaries, and conflict between the couple’s desire for independence and family expectations can cause tension. Sharing private relationship details with family members and lack of respect for privacy often lead to further complications.
5. Division of Roles and Responsibilities
Differences may appear regarding traditional versus modern roles, financial and household responsibilities, number of children, parenting styles, and core values. Failure to agree on these roles can create stress and tension during engagement.
6. Differences in Goals and Values
Partners may differ in future visions related to career paths, financial planning, life priorities, child-rearing methods, social habits, traditions, and daily routines. Such differences, if not discussed openly, can lead to misunderstandings and long-term conflicts.
7. Emotional Distance and Doubt
Weak communication, wedding preparation stress, family interference, lack of self-confidence or trust, and failure to express emotions can lead to emotional dryness and mutual doubt. Financial pressures and wedding arrangements may further increase tension, gradually weakening the relationship.
8. Lack of Maturity and Stability
Insufficient emotional maturity, limited awareness of marital responsibilities, superficial understanding of engagement, or rushing into the relationship without deep reflection may lead to hidden issues surfacing later. Impulsive decision-making and moving too quickly from acquaintance to marriage can have serious consequences.
9. Conflict Management and Problem Solving
Fundamental differences in expectations, values, habits, traditions, cultural backgrounds, family interference, and financial matters can generate tension. Using unhealthy conflict styles—such as shouting, ignoring, or withdrawing—instead of calm dialogue worsens the situation.
10. Hiding Health and Personal Issues
Fear of rejection may cause one partner to hide their true self, personal habits (such as smoking), or health issues, including chronic illnesses or physical concerns. Building a relationship on concealment rather than honesty can lead to serious crises later.
Conclusion
The engagement period is not merely a romantic phase; it is a critical foundation for a successful marriage. Honesty, clear communication, emotional maturity, and realistic expectations are essential to overcoming challenges and building a stable, healthy relationship that can withstand the realities of married life.
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