If a mother constantly yells at her child, using a loud, angry voice along with constant commands and prohibitions, yet still wonders why her child does not obey her, then she must understand that she is using an ineffective and completely non-educational method. Although shouting is common in many households, it is not a healthy parenting approach.
It is essential for a mother to know when to be firm with her child so that he listens to her while also building important values from a young age. Nadormagazine spoke with parenting counselor Aref Abdullah, who explained the difference between harshness and firmness in parenting. Firmness is entirely different from shouting and harshness, both of which damage the relationship between parent and child.
The Harmful Effects of Harshness on a Child
Many mothers believe that yelling and raising their voice is an effective way to discipline a child and force him to obey. They assume the child will stop misbehaving if they shout loudly enough. In reality, the child simply gets used to the yelling and continues the same behavior.
Yelling directly at a child—especially with angry facial expressions—affects two important hormones in the body:
Cortisol
Adrenaline
These hormones regulate emotional responses. When their levels become imbalanced due to shouting, it can significantly affect the child’s bodily functions. This may lead to slow growth due to disrupted growth hormones, breathing difficulties, rapid heartbeat, and in severe cases life-threatening complications. Cases of sudden cardiac arrest in children due to intense yelling have been reported.
What Firmness Really Means
There is a clear difference between yelling and firmness—between harshness and proper discipline.
Firmness means speaking in a steady, confident tone that comes from a place of care and concern. It creates healthy boundaries and helps the child understand that parents are serious about keeping them safe. At the same time, firmness preserves the parent–child relationship and does not damage it.
A firm mother is not a harsh mother. Firmness does not mean hitting, threatening, or punishing the child aggressively. It also does not mean being overly soft or giving in easily, such as asking a child to do something and then withdrawing the request the moment he cries.
Such inconsistency teaches the child that his mother is not serious, encouraging defiance and disrespect.
Healthy boundaries must be consistent and followed by everyone in the home. A child quickly learns from what he sees: if adults do not respect rules, the child will not either.
Examples of Healthy Firmness
You can use phrases such as:
“I will not let you cross the street without holding my hand.”
“You cannot eat more than one candy.”
“You will not go to bed until you finish your homework and brush your teeth.”
Avoid harsh phrases like:
“Brush your teeth or I’ll hit you!”
Positive Alternatives to Harsh Parenting
1. Be a Role Model
Show calmness, emotional control, and respectful communication. Your child mirrors what he sees.
2. Do Not Project Your Stress onto Your Child
Your child is not responsible for your pressures. He needs a healthy environment to grow.
3. Avoid Physical Punishment and Harsh Discipline
4. Avoid Inconsistent Reactions
Do not punish a child one day for a behavior and ignore it the next. This confuses the child and blurs the line between right and wrong.
5. Teach the Value of Apology
6. Express Love Clearly and Frequently
Affection builds confidence, strengthens character, and helps children develop emotional stability.
7. Apologize After Losing Your Temper
If you shout, explain why and promise not to repeat it. This teaches accountability and strengthens your connection.
Children deeply care about their mother’s happiness; when they see her upset by yelling, they will try harder to avoid behaviors that cause distress.
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