It is natural for a child to grow up and eventually step out of a mother’s arms to face the world. However, a child should enter that world with strong self-confidence, able to solve problems and face challenges. This does not happen by chance—it requires that mothers follow essential steps that form the backbone of building a strong, confident personality.
It is a mistake for a mother to continue controlling her child out of love, as this can result in raising a child who lacks self-confidence and is unable to face society. In a special interview, Sayidaty and Your Child spoke with educational counselor Aref Abdullah, who highlighted five basic rules that mothers can follow to strengthen their child’s self-confidence from an early age—such as praising effort, offering encouragement, and avoiding ridicule.
1. Listen to Your Child—No Matter How Trivial the Talk Seems
Listening attentively to your child and giving them space to express their opinions makes them feel that their voice matters and that they have value within the family. When your child approaches you, stop what you’re doing—put down your phone, open your arms, and give them your full attention. This reassures them that what they say matters and that you are their first source of support and inspiration.
Give your child the opportunity to talk about their feelings and experiences. Avoid turning them into a passive person who only follows orders. Children raised this way often grow up insecure, unable to make even small decisions, and may feel insignificant within the family. This can lead to isolation or seeking validation outside the home.
Be your child’s friend and set aside daily time to listen to them. A successful mother is one who becomes her child’s closest confidant. Allow your child to talk about their mistakes without fear. Do not punish them repeatedly for mistakes they have already corrected, and never shame them in front of others or remind them of past errors. Teach them that making mistakes is human, and wisdom lies in learning and starting anew.
2. Praise Effort Regardless of the Outcome
Avoid a common but ineffective parenting style: generalized praise. While it is important to praise your child to encourage achievement and growth, many mothers fall into the trap of praising the child rather than the action.
For example, when a child draws a beautiful picture, instead of saying, “You’re amazing” or “You’re a genius,” focus on the effort:
“Your drawing is beautiful.”
“Your math solutions are neat and well organized.”
“Thank you for cleaning your room.”
Specific praise motivates children to repeat positive behaviors. In contrast, excessive general praise can lead to arrogance and dependency, making the child believe they will always be praised regardless of effort. This may reduce motivation and foster laziness or selfishness.
3. Give Your Child the Chance to Try and Experiment
Stop constantly criticizing your child or searching for mistakes as if they are under a microscope. This approach weakens their personality and makes them overly dependent on others, acting only to avoid criticism rather than out of conviction.
Overlooking minor mistakes is essential, as children are not on trial. Excessive scrutiny may teach them to lie to avoid blame. Always show unconditional love and acceptance, while firmly avoiding humiliation—especially in front of others.
Encourage your child to try, experiment, and understand that mistakes are not the end. Some children who receive low grades become withdrawn, lose confidence, and even refuse to attend school because they feel incapable of fixing their mistakes. Support helps prevent this downward spiral.
4. Avoid Comparing Your Child to Others
Comparing your child to others is one of the fastest ways to destroy their self-confidence. Every child is born with unique abilities and traits—even twins differ from one another. You must work with your child based on their individual capabilities and help develop them rather than undermine them.
Statements such as “Why aren’t you like so-and-so?” or “Look how smart your cousin is” are emotionally damaging. These comparisons can turn a child into an insecure, withdrawn person with no ambition or motivation. Build your child within the limits of their own abilities—not someone else’s.
5. Use Encouraging Words to Strengthen Confidence
From an early age, use gentle, positive encouragement such as:
“You can do it.”
“Try again.”
These words have a powerful impact. Encouragement should begin early—even during simple moments like learning to eat independently. Your positive body language and expressions of approval become key signals of emotional safety.
Children learn through encouragement, not criticism. Both parents should act as positive role models. Never use destructive phrases like “You’ll fail just like someone else.” Instead, present a positive example your child can aspire to become.
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