It is essential not to underestimate any action we take with or in front of our children. A child is like raw material—malleable and highly impressionable. Just as education in early childhood is said to be “engraving on stone,” small, unintended behaviors from parents can make a significant difference in forming a child’s personality.
There is a concept known as the “Nine Principles” for modifying a child’s behavior and shaping their personality, which relates to parents’ actions toward their children. According to educational counselor Aref Abdullah, these principles help build a healthy emotional and psychological foundation for children.
1. Paying Attention to the Child’s Speech
It is crucial to pay attention to a child’s words, no matter how small. Some parents ignore or mock their child’s attempts at communication, but the correct approach is to pause everything else and focus on them. Ignoring a child may make them feel unimportant, negatively affecting their personality.
Speak to your child in a calm, gentle tone, stand at their level, and truly listen. When the child approaches you, give them your full attention, open your arms, and hug them to reinforce their sense of security and self-worth.
2. Daily Hugging
Daily hugs leave profound psychological effects. Parents should hug their child, pat their shoulder or chest, and gently touch their head multiple times a day. These gestures strengthen self-confidence, deepen emotional bonds, and provide comfort, security, and calm—often more effectively than words alone.
3. Using Eye Contact
Body language plays a crucial role in shaping a child’s personality. Speaking to a distracted child has little effect, but a meaningful look in the eyes captures their attention. Always look into your child’s eyes when responding—it communicates respect and shows that they are valued.
4. Using the Right Tone of Voice
Use an appropriate tone for the situation. Avoid shouting, anger, or harsh voices. Negative tones, verbal punishment, or aggression may seem instructive but can damage a child’s personality, creating feelings of oppression and fear.
5. Correcting Mistakes Constructively
When a child makes a mistake, avoid saying “wrong” or “that’s incorrect.” Instead, use encouraging language:
“What if we try it this way?”
This approach motivates children to think critically, correct their errors, and feel safe rather than fearful of punishment.
6. Allocating Individual Time
Set aside one-on-one time for your child, even if brief. This strengthens their sense of self and builds personality. Activities like going outdoors, talking, or playing together make the child feel special and valued. Both parents can implement this principle.
7. Listening to Their Feelings Without Correcting
Always listen to your child’s feelings without interruption. Avoid inserting your assumptions, which may lead the child to lie or exaggerate for attention. Instead, encourage them to express everything freely, fostering trust and friendship.
8. Recognizing Every Achievement
Praise and encourage your child for all accomplishments, no matter how small. Compliments should be specific to their actions, not general traits:
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✅ “I’m proud of how you solved this puzzle!”
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❌ “You’re so beautiful!”
This teaches children to value effort and achievement, not inherent traits.
9. Being a Role Model
Parents must serve as role models in all actions. Children imitate rather than memorize. They observe parents as their highest reference and absorb both positive and negative behaviors—intentionally or not. Therefore, be mindful of your words and actions, using polite phrases like “thank you,” “sorry,” or “please.”
These nine principles, when consistently applied, create a nurturing environment that fosters emotional security, self-confidence, and strong moral values in children, laying the foundation for a balanced, resilient personality.
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