The Nine Principles for Modifying Behavior and Building a Child’s Personality

 

It is crucial not to underestimate any behavior we display around our children. A child is like soft clay—easily shaped and influenced. If education in early childhood is like carving on stone, then small actions—whether intentional or overlooked—can make a huge difference in forming a child’s personality.

The “Nine Principles” theory links parental behaviors to the child’s early personality development. According to the educational counselor Aref Abdullah, parents should focus on the following nine areas:

1. Pay Attention to the Child’s Speech

• Always listen attentively to your child, no matter what they say.

• Avoid ignoring or mocking them. Children who feel neglected may feel unimportant, affecting their personality negatively.

• Speak in a calm, loving tone. Face the child, not towering over them.

• Give your full attention when they approach you and embrace them to strengthen their sense of security and self-worth.

2. Daily Physical Affection

• Daily hugs and gentle pats on the shoulder or chest have powerful psychological effects.

• Gently stroke the child’s head several times a day.

• Physical affection fosters self-confidence, reduces anxiety, strengthens the emotional bond, and provides a sense of safety beyond verbal communication.

3. Use Eye Contact While Communicating

• Body language is essential in shaping a child’s personality.

• Even simple eye contact shows attention and respect, making the child feel valued and understood.

• Always look your child in the eyes when responding to them.

4. Use the Right Tone of Voice

• Speak calmly and appropriately for the situation.

• Avoid shouting or using anger to discipline, and never rely on scolding or harsh tones as “educational” tools, as these can damage a child’s personality and sense of safety.

5. Correct Mistakes Positively

• Avoid saying “wrong” or “mistake.”

• Use encouraging phrases like: “What do you think if we try again?”

• This approach motivates the child to think and try again without fear, fostering a secure environment where mistakes are learning opportunities.

6. Dedicate Individual Time

• Set aside special one-on-one time for your child daily, even if just a few minutes.

• Activities can include walks, nature outings, or playing together.

• This individual time strengthens the child’s sense of uniqueness and importance in the parents’ hearts.

7. Listen to Their Feelings Without Judging

• Always listen to your child’s emotions and allow them to express themselves.

• Avoid interrupting or correcting them.

• Encourage honesty by letting the child share freely, which builds trust and makes you their confidant.

8. Praise Their Achievements

• Encourage and praise your child’s efforts, no matter how small.

• Praise should be specific to the action or achievement, not the child’s inherent traits.

• Example: Instead of saying, “You’re beautiful,” say, “I’m proud of how hard you worked.”

• This helps develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment.

9. Be a Role Model

• Children learn primarily by imitation, not instruction.

• Parents should act as examples in all their behaviors, both good and bad.

• Use polite words like “thank you,” “I’m sorry,” and “please” consistently.

• Your actions shape the child’s understanding of morals, manners, and behavior more than words alone.