Out of exhaustion and frustration, many mothers may utter hurtful phrases to their children—often with good intentions, such as encouraging them to correct their mistakes or thinking such words will help discipline them. But what they don’t realize is that these phrases can actually damage the bond between mother and child.
Parenting counselor Dr. Ruba Abdulhai highlights 7 phrases that mothers should avoid, no matter how tired or angry they feel, because they undermine love and trust. Here are the phrases and what to say instead:
1. “You’re Stupid”
This phrase is shocking and destructive. Children are naturally sensitive, and every child has intelligence in their own way. When a mother accuses her child of stupidity, he loses the support of the person he loves most. This can lower academic performance, create fear of failure, and even make the child hate school.
✅ Instead, say: “You made a mistake, but if you try again, you can succeed.”
2. “You’re Useless”
Words are powerful. Telling your child that he is incapable kills his motivation and creates a permanent sense of inadequacy. Children don’t always need material things—they need encouragement and belief in their abilities.
✅ Instead, say: “I see you’re trying, and I know you can do even better if you keep going.”
3. “You’re a Burden”
Some mothers even say things like “I wish I hadn’t had you.” Such words shatter the child’s sense of security, making him feel like a heavy burden on his family. This leads to guilt and self-blame.
✅ Instead, say: “I get tired because I want the best for you, and my effort is for your future.”
4. “Look at So-and-So, He’s Better Than You”
Comparing children to siblings or others destroys self-esteem and sparks jealousy or resentment toward the one being compared. Each child has unique strengths and abilities.
✅ Instead, say: “I can see you’re improving every day, and that’s what matters to me.”
5. “Be Quiet and Don’t Talk”
This phrase silences the child but doesn’t satisfy him—it suppresses his need for expression. Over time, it can lead to anger, withdrawal, or inability to share emotions, which becomes more serious in adolescence.
✅ Instead, say: “Tell me what’s bothering you—I’m here to listen.”
6. “I’ll Hit You If You Make a Mistake”
Threatening physical punishment replaces love and respect with fear. The child becomes submissive instead of truly understanding right from wrong, and affection for the parent decreases.
✅ Instead, say: “If you do this, the result won’t be good. Let’s understand why and find a solution together.”
7. “I’ll Tell Your Father What You Did”
Using the father as a threat turns him into a source of fear rather than love, while also damaging the child’s trust in the mother. The child will dread his father’s return home, living in constant anxiety.
✅ Instead, say: “I’m here to help you, not to scare you. Let’s work through this together.”
💡 Final Thought
Children build their confidence and values based on how their parents treat them. Choosing supportive, loving words fosters trust, responsibility, and emotional strength—while hurtful phrases may leave lasting wounds.
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