How to Support Your Child After Failing an Exam

You won’t be surprised if your child fails exams, because if you’ve been following their academic progress, you know your child’s intelligence and study ability. Since they have been working hard for these exams, failing will be a huge disappointment for them—it will feel like all their effort was wasted.

The important thing is that it’s hard for you to watch them go through such a tough time. At the same time, failing reading and math tests isn’t new to you, but you might feel sad because you can’t ease their disappointment. However, you can follow these steps recommended by doctors and experts, and choose specific phrases to stay close to your child.

What phrases should you avoid saying to a child who has failed?

What do you say when your child gets a bad grade? Or when they make a joke that everyone laughs at at them instead of with them? The right response might depend on the situation, so you might not be sure if following a fixed pattern is a good idea. However, here are some things you probably shouldn’t say:

“It’s not the end of the world.”
This is true—failing isn’t the end of the world, and the pain will probably be short-lived. But in the moment when your child is crying, feeling deep shame, and can’t see a way forward, minimizing their feelings is not comforting. There’s a right time to offer this perspective, but your child might need you to truly feel what they’re feeling and share their sadness rather than telling them their pain is insignificant.
“You’re better than this.”
Most parents have high expectations for their children, which is good because encouragement is important. But when a child is in the middle of failure, it might not be the best time to remind them of those expectations. While it may be true they can do better, it may also be that we have overestimated their real limits. At times like these, our expectations stop being motivating challenges and instead become heavy burdens.
“You don’t have to try again if you don’t want to.”
This is the easy way out for parents and kids. When children try something—whether a sport, an instrument, or a difficult subject—and fail, there’s a natural urge to avoid pain. Offering a quick escape (“You can quit the team, stop playing the keyboard, or leave the class”) teaches them to give up easily rather than persevere. Of course, limits are necessary, but too often we let children develop a mindset of quitting rather than persistence.
“I’m sorry you failed.”
Avoid blaming your child or saying things like, “Why did you fail?” or “You should have tried harder.” These comments damage their self-confidence. Exams are stressful, and failure can lead to frustration. Excessive blame can negatively affect their growth, causing guilt, low self-esteem, fear of mistakes, aggression, withdrawal, or social and academic problems later.

Phrases to avoid altogether:

“It looks like you didn’t study enough.”
Let’s stop saying things that deny the efforts of those who fail. Saying “You didn’t try hard enough” or “You should have worked more” weakens their motivation. Success isn’t just passing exams—it’s the result of continuous effort and learning from failures.
“Next time, you should do this.”
This can sound condescending if given to someone who failed, even if you mean well. Avoid a tone that feels like “No one understands me,” which can deepen their sadness. This advice can scare the child and prevent sound decision-making, leading to indecisiveness and fear of failure.

How to help your child accept failure and change their mindset

What phrases can you say to a child who failed?

When your child fails an entrance exam, it’s important to show empathy for their feelings and praise their efforts. Blaming others or giving condescending advice will hurt their feelings. Instead, try these phrases depending on your relationship:

“I’m a little disappointed by the results, but I know you worked really hard. You’ll do better next time! If you need help, just tell me.”
“I heard your exam results. It’s tough now, but your efforts won’t go to waste. I’ll always support you—we’ll work together on the next step.”
“This result is disappointing, but your effort won’t be wasted. Get ready for the next opportunity!”
“I’m sorry about the result, but I see how hard you tried. Failure is just a step toward success. Let’s work together next time!”
“Maybe the exam wasn’t easy, but I’m proud of your effort. I’ll always support you; we’ll try again next time.”
“Although I’m disappointed with the result, I’m proud of your effort. I’ll always be by your side—don’t give up for the next exam!”
“It’s unfortunate about the results, but I believe your efforts are great. Let’s keep encouraging each other!”
“I heard the exam results. I know this is hard for you, but with your support, we’ll get through this together.”
“The results are disappointing, but let’s look forward and do our best next time.”
“I’m frustrated with your results, but I appreciate your effort. I’ll always be by your side; let’s think about the next steps together.”
“I heard your exam results. I know you tried hard, so I’m disappointed too—but I believe in your ability to succeed. Let’s work on it together!”
“You didn’t pass the exam, and I’m very disappointed, but I’m proud of your efforts.”

Mistakes in parenting that create a hesitant personality

Things you can do to ease your child’s disappointment after failing

Watching your child fail at sports, school, social events, or anything else is tough. As parents, we can’t stop those moments—and we shouldn’t turn failure into a nightmare. Failure is a great teacher. So if you want to forgive your child for their failures, here’s how to deal with it properly:

Give them your full attention
Create a supportive environment for your child to express their feelings. Find a quiet, comfortable place where you can talk without distractions. Encourage them to share their feelings by asking, “Can you tell me what you’re thinking right now?”
Use active listening skills to show you’re fully engaged: maintain eye contact, nod, and ask clarifying questions. Avoid interrupting or giving unwanted advice—just give your child space to share their thoughts and emotions first.
Help them put things into perspective
After they’ve shared, encourage a more positive outlook. Remind them of past successes and progress made before and after the exam. Explain that the exam is only a quick snapshot of their performance, not a definition of who they are. Failure doesn’t reflect their ability to succeed in other areas.
Remind them everyone fails sometimes, often many times. Share a story of a failure you overcame to show them failure isn’t the end and can be overcome.
Plan together for the next exam
Then shift focus to the future and ways to improve. Review the materials covered and identify difficult areas. For example, ask, “What was the hardest part of the math problems?” This will help pinpoint challenges.
Make a plan for addressing these challenges at home and school. Talk about self-advocacy, encourage communication with teachers for extra support, and discuss seeking help from other school staff, like counselors.
Children can be hard on themselves when they fail; your child is no exception. Ultimately, teach your child to manage test stress, develop a healthy attitude toward failure, and become more willing to take risks and try new things.