It's common to hear mothers complain about having a stubborn and temperamental child at home. Many say that this behavior appears early in life, often before the child turns three, despite having already developed many life skills. This stubbornness and insistence on doing things their own way is a common source of frustration for parents and siblings.
In a special feature by Nadormagazine, a mother shared her personal experience dealing with her difficult child, supported by educational counselor Latifa Abdulaziz, who offered key advice and practical strategies. Here are the most important steps the mother took:
1. I Allowed My Child to Discuss My Instructions
Children often resist commands when they feel those instructions are unreasonable or don’t consider their physical, emotional, or developmental state. When parents give orders without room for discussion, children may feel controlled and respond with anger and defiance.
Solution: Be clear and consistent with your instructions. Let your child know that your guidance comes from love and concern, not control. Allow your child to ask questions and express opinions. This builds trust and improves communication, making the child more willing to follow directions.
2. I Was Not Inconsistent in My Parenting
It’s essential to be firm but fair. Avoid hitting your child—it has damaging effects and there are healthier alternatives. Also, don’t give in to crying or tantrums after setting a rule, as this sends mixed signals and encourages further defiance.
Advice: Establish clear household rules and stick to them. Consistency prevents the child from manipulating situations or testing your seriousness. If you're inconsistent, your child may lose respect for your boundaries.
3. I Took My Child Out Daily from an Early Age
Keeping a child indoors every day can lead to boredom, frustration, and stubbornness. Children are curious and need to explore their environment. Overprotective parenting—though well-meaning—can limit their development and lead to behavioral issues.
Tip: Daily outings help children burn off energy, build social skills, and expand their world view. Even simple trips to the park can make a big difference in mood and behavior.
4. I Encouraged Healthy Friendships
Children need friends for emotional and social growth. Isolation can lead to behavioral problems, including aggression and stubbornness.
Key Point: Allow your child to choose their own friends (within safe boundaries). You don’t have to force friendships with your friends' children. Instead, supervise their social interactions to make sure they are positive and age-appropriate.
5. I Was Never an Angry Mom
Children learn by observing. Constant yelling, threats, or emotional outbursts will not result in obedience—it will do the opposite. Children are sensitive and intelligent; they pick up on tone, facial expressions, and stress.
Strategy: Be a calm role model. Avoid yelling. Communicate gently and listen with empathy. Choose discussion over punishment. A calm, loving approach helps your child feel secure and more willing to cooperate.
6. I Avoided Using Threats
Empty threats lose their power quickly. When parents repeatedly threaten their children with punishment but fail to follow through, children become defiant and may start to control the situation themselves.
Advice: Make your requests realistic, and if consequences are needed, ensure they are appropriate and followed through. For example, if you say your child can't go out to play until homework is done, don’t let them go out early. Inconsistency leads to manipulation and defiance.
By following these steps, the mother found success in managing her child’s difficult behavior. Working with a counselor helped her understand that parenting requires calm authority, patience, and emotional awareness. The key is to connect with your child, not control them.
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