When Your Toddler Pulls Your Hair or Hits You — Understanding and Managing This Common Behavior

Most mothers complain about a common phenomenon among children under the age of two — when a child bites, slaps, or pulls the mother’s hair. Many mothers are shocked and even embarrassed when their toddlers suddenly bite them, pull their hair, or kick them with their tiny feet. These behaviors, while painful and confusing, are actually a normal stage in early childhood development — not a sign of bad manners or poor parenting.

Are Hair-Pulling and Hitting Normal for Children Under 18 Months?

At this young age, children are naturally self-centered. They see themselves as the center of the universe and expect full attention from their caregivers. When the mother is busy — especially with another baby — the toddler may bite, pull hair, or slap as a way to regain attention.

In reality, these actions are not acts of aggression but rather attempts to communicate unmet needs or emotions. Since toddlers under two years old cannot yet express themselves clearly with words, they resort to physical expressions like pulling, hitting, or biting.

Interestingly, some children pull their mother’s hair or bite her as an emotional response — when they sense sadness or stress in their mother. Their sensitivity is high, and they react instinctively to her emotions, not knowing how else to comfort or connect.

The Common Mistake Parents Make

A major mistake parents make when dealing with hair-pulling or hitting is responding in kind — pulling the child’s hair or hitting back.

This reinforces the behavior instead of stopping it. The child learns that aggression is a normal way to communicate or respond to frustration. Instead, parents should demonstrate gentleness and calm control.

For instance, allow your child to gently touch or play with your hair while you calmly explain that hair is meant to be cared for and not pulled. Positive modeling teaches far more effectively than punishment.

Practical Tips for Managing This Behavior

• 💞 Understand the reason behind the behavior: Often, the child seeks attention, feels tired, hungry, or overstimulated. Addressing the cause usually stops the behavior.

• 👀 Give full attention when your child approaches you: Stop what you’re doing for a few moments and make eye contact — this reassures them.

• 🗣️ Help them express emotions verbally or through gestures: Ask, “Are you upset because I was busy?” or “Do you want to play with me?”

• ✋ Gently hold their hands before they strike and say calmly but firmly, “We don’t hit. Hands are for love.”

• 🚫 Avoid physical punishment: Hitting teaches children to imitate violence.

• 🍭 Reduce sugar intake: Excess sugar can increase hyperactivity and aggression.

• 📱 Limit screen time: No screens before age three; after that, no more than one hour per day.

• 🏡 Maintain a calm and loving home: Children who grow up in peaceful environments are less likely to show aggressive behavior.