How to Talk to a Child About Death

Many parents struggle with whether to tell a child the truth about death or try to shield them from pain. While death is a natural part of life, cultural norms—especially in Arab societies—often avoid discussing it with children. Research, however, shows that honest, age-appropriate communication helps children process grief healthily.

Dr. Ahmed Zidan, a child psychologist, highlights four key principles for informing children about the death of a loved one.

1. Gentle Honesty Without Sugarcoating

• Avoid euphemisms like "Grandpa went on a long sleep" or "He went to the sky," which can confuse children.

• Use clear but compassionate language:

  "Grandpa died. His body stopped working, and we won’t see him again, but we will always keep him in our hearts and memories."

• Children learn to understand loss as part of life, not something mysterious or frightening.

2. Age-Appropriate Explanation

• Children under eight start to grasp the concept of death.

• Use simple, factual explanations:

  "When someone dies, their heart stops beating and their body doesn’t feel pain anymore."

• Reassure them that death is natural and not caused by their behavior.

• Answer repeated questions calmly and honestly:

  "Everyone dies eventually, but we are safe and together for now."

3. Allow Emotional Expression

• Let children experience grief—don’t distract them immediately with toys or gifts.

• Children may express sadness through drawing, writing, or symbolic play.

• Parents should model emotions openly:

  "I feel sad because I miss my father."

• Listening without interrupting or trying to “fix” the feelings is crucial. Children need to feel heard and supported.

4. Reassurance and Restoring Routine

• After the initial shock, maintaining routines helps children feel secure.

• Keep regular schedules for meals, bedtime, school, and family activities.

• Incorporate memories of the deceased in small, comforting ways:

  • Read a favorite story of the loved one

  • Talk weekly about a happy memory

• Reassure the child that they are not responsible for the death.

Conclusion

We may not be able to answer every question, like "Will we see them again?" But holding the child, listening, and providing honest comfort helps them take the first steps toward emotional healing. Children who are guided with honesty, empathy, and support can process grief in a healthy way and develop resilience.