In a world full of perfect images and glamorous appearances, daily comparison has become an inseparable part of our lives. We compare ourselves to others in looks, success, relationships, lifestyle, and even small details. These comparisons leave a deep impact on our mental health and self-perception. What might begin as motivation to improve can easily turn into a source of constant frustration, anxiety, and loss of confidence—especially when we measure our real lives against idealized images on social media or in our surroundings. So, how can we manage these comparisons and protect ourselves from their negative effects? Psychologist Orania Daher addresses these concerns.
The Downsides and Risks of Comparison
Comparison can have both negative and positive aspects, depending on how it is approached. One major downside, especially when applied to adolescents, is that it weakens self-confidence. Teenagers may constantly feel “not enough” or below standard, striving endlessly to satisfy others.
When parents engage in comparisons, the impact is even more severe. Besides eroding self-confidence, constant comparison can increase anxiety. The individual becomes perpetually tense, always trying to meet expectations, resulting in continuous psychological pressure and stress.
Unchecked comparison can lead to serious developments: anxiety may escalate into panic attacks, and deep-seated lack of self-confidence may result in depression. In cases of frequent, intense comparison—particularly for individuals with a fragile personality—this may lead to strict self-imposed boundaries and ongoing psychological pressure.
Comparing Siblings: A Particularly Harmful Practice
One of the most damaging types of comparison occurs between siblings. Parents should refrain entirely from comparing their children, as this can unintentionally destroy sibling relationships. Comparisons often create jealousy, resentment, and sometimes even revengeful behavior. Children who feel unfairly judged may develop long-term anger toward their siblings, parents, or even themselves.
Negative Psychological and Social Effects
Individuals exposed to constant comparison often struggle to prove themselves to others. They may feel compelled to show that they belong, deserve recognition, or must highlight themselves. This unhealthy drive can push them toward unethical or even criminal behaviors simply to gain attention or validation.
Even simple, everyday comparisons can turn a respectful, capable person into someone bitter or resentful if it becomes a pattern. Social labels, teasing, or criticism can severely damage a person with low self-esteem, potentially leading to long-term psychological and social harm.
How to Make Comparisons Constructive
Parents and caregivers must exercise caution and avoid favoritism or comparisons among children. When offering feedback, one effective technique is the “Sandwich Effect”, which consists of three steps:
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Start with a positive comment.
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Provide the critique or observation.
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Conclude with another positive statement.
This approach encourages growth without making the individual feel rejected or inadequate. It reinforces their strengths while allowing them to improve.
Constructive vs. Destructive Criticism
The difference lies in the approach:
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Destructive criticism makes the person feel insulted or rejected.
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Constructive criticism strengthens confidence and motivates change.
Example:
Instead of saying:
“Your style is terrible.”
You could say:
“You have a wonderful personality, and everything about you is great. However, adjusting your outfit slightly could enhance your appearance even more.”
This method delivers the same message positively, encouraging improvement while preserving the person’s self-esteem.
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