How to Handle Your Child’s Tantrums in Public

Parents often panic when their child has a tantrum — kicking, crying, or screaming — which can disturb others. While tantrums at home may feel easier to manage (with the option of asking for help or calming the child in a familiar space), things can get more challenging when they happen in public. According to the parenting resource Raising Children, here are some strategies for handling tantrums in public places.

Why Do Children Have Tantrums?

• Emotional thinking over logic: Young children think emotionally, not logically.

• Strong emotions without direction: They feel intense emotions but don’t yet know how to manage or express them.

• Right to express themselves: A tantrum is a child’s way of showing frustration, disappointment, or fatigue.

While tantrums can be upsetting, it’s important for parents to control their own emotions when a child breaks down.

Effective Ways to Handle Tantrums in Public

1. Avoid overreacting

During a tantrum, a child isn’t thinking clearly — emotions dominate, especially in the brain’s prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for judgment and decision-making). Persuasion, scolding, or forcing won’t work in that moment. Instead:

• Stay calm.

• If the crying worsens, leave the store and find a quiet spot.

• Let your child release the built-up frustration, then gently invite them to resume the activity once they’ve calmed down.

2. Don’t belittle your child’s feelings

Parents may assume the reason behind a tantrum is “silly” or unimportant. But dismissive phrases like “You’re crying for nothing!” can make the child feel unheard and undervalued, intensifying frustration.

3. Offer comfort through a hug

In public, tantrums may embarrass parents, but the best response is often calm reassurance.

• Hug your child firmly and rub their back.

• A hug communicates safety, love, and attention, even if you don’t agree with their behavior.

4. Bring comfort items

Children are more prone to tantrums when they’re hungry or tired.

• Before outings, ensure your child has eaten and rested.

• Carry snacks, a favorite toy, or even a digital distraction to help in emergencies.

• These small items can make a big difference in avoiding meltdowns.

5. Set clear rules before leaving

Explain to your child what to expect:

• “We’re going shopping for food, not toys today.”

• Use clear, respectful language and eye contact.

• Offer incentives: “After shopping, we’ll play in the park.”
  This helps your child understand boundaries and anticipate rewards.

6. Try the “mirroring” technique

This technique, called matching and reflecting, involves subtly mirroring your child’s expressions or tone to show empathy.

• If your child raises their voice, you might slightly raise yours — not to copy the negative behavior, but to reflect their emotional state.

• This builds connection and helps them feel understood.

7. Whisper to create calm

Softly whispering during a tantrum can help de-escalate the moment.

• Your calm voice encourages your child to match your tone.

• It creates a quieter, safer atmosphere for both of you.

✅ Key takeaway: Public tantrums are stressful, but with patience, empathy, and preparation, parents can turn them into opportunities for emotional growth and connection with their child.