Dealing with Aggressive Behaviors in Children: Understanding and Managing Biting, Slapping, and Hitting

Many mothers face a common challenge at home—children who bite, slap, or hit others impulsively, often even their own mothers. These behaviors can be frustrating, embarrassing, and leave parents wondering whether their child is poorly behaved or lacking in proper manners. It's even more difficult when a mother finds herself being bitten or slapped by her little one, sometimes for no apparent reason. Such moments are often uncomfortable and leave parents searching for answers on how to handle them.

Understanding these behaviors is key to addressing them appropriately. Here's what you need to know about why children act aggressively and how to deal with it:

When Do Children Start Hitting or Biting?

The phase of biting, slapping, or hitting typically occurs between the ages of 1.5 to 3 years, as part of normal child development. During this time, children are still learning how to express themselves and manage their emotions. While it can be stressful for parents, it's important to recognize that these behaviors are a natural part of the developmental process.

One reason for this behavior is teething. Babies often bite as they experience discomfort from new teeth emerging. Before the age of three, biting, hitting, and other forms of aggression are often a child’s attempt to communicate needs they cannot express verbally. At this age, children do not have full control over their impulses and may lash out when frustrated.

Why Do Children Bite, Hit, or Slap?

There are two main reasons for aggressive behavior in children:

1. The Need for Attention:
   Young children, especially those under three, are egocentric and often believe the world revolves around them. They want their caregivers' undivided attention and become upset if they feel ignored. This is especially true for first-born or youngest children. If they notice their mother or caregiver paying attention to someone else, they may bite or slap her to demand attention.

   Additionally, children at this age are very sensitive and often mimic behaviors they see. If a child notices their parent is upset or emotional, they may react by biting or hitting to show empathy or express their own feelings. For example, if a mother is crying, the child might bite her as a way of drawing her focus back to themselves.

2. The Limited Ability to Express Emotions:
   At this developmental stage, children are still learning how to express their emotions and desires. Their communication skills are still rudimentary, which leads to frustration when they can't get their point across. This can trigger behaviors like biting, slapping, or pulling hair as a way to express themselves. For instance, if a child wants their mother to play with them and she is busy, they may resort to hitting or pulling her hair to get her attention.

How to Handle Aggressive Behaviors in Children

1. Respond with Understanding and Patience:

Recognize that your child’s aggression is usually a sign of unmet needs, whether it’s a desire for attention or an inability to communicate. When your child hits or bites you, it’s essential to stay calm and respond with understanding. Say something like, “I see that you're upset. Do you want to play with me?” This helps your child connect their behavior with their emotions, teaching them to express themselves in healthier ways.

2. Reinforce Positive Behaviors:

Whenever your child uses words or other non-aggressive ways to express themselves, praise and encourage them. Positive reinforcement teaches your child that they can get attention through good behavior.

3. Set Clear Boundaries:

Let your child know that certain behaviors are not acceptable. If they try to bite or slap, calmly say, “No, we do not bite or hit. If you’re angry, you can use your words to tell me.” This helps them understand that while it's normal to feel frustration, there are better ways to express it.

4. Give Your Child Plenty of One-on-One Attention:

Often, children resort to aggressive behavior when they feel neglected. Make sure to spend quality time with your child, giving them attention when they seek it. This can help alleviate feelings of insecurity and reduce the need to act out for attention.

5. Teach Your Child How to Express Their Feelings:

Help your child develop emotional intelligence by guiding them to use words instead of physical actions. For example, if they are upset, encourage them to say, “I’m mad!” or “I want to play!” With time, they will begin to use verbal communication to express their needs.

6. Supervise Playtime:

Always monitor your child when they are interacting with other children. This will help prevent aggressive behaviors like hitting or biting. If your child does act out, gently intervene and explain why such behavior is not okay.

7. Avoid Physical Punishment:

Never respond to your child’s aggression with physical punishment. If you slap or hit your child in response to their behavior, they may learn that violence is an acceptable way to deal with problems. Instead, focus on using age-appropriate consequences like time-outs or loss of privileges.

8. Address Underlying Causes:

Sometimes children act out because they are hungry, tired, or feeling unwell. If your child bites or slaps, try to assess their needs. Are they sleepy? Hungry? If so, address those needs before addressing their behavior.

9. Limit Sugar Intake:

High sugar consumption can affect a child’s behavior and contribute to aggression. Be mindful of your child’s diet and try to limit their intake of sugary foods and drinks.

10. Minimize Screen Time:

Excessive exposure to screens, especially before the age of three, can contribute to behavioral issues. Try to limit screen time and encourage interactive play instead. After the age of three, it’s advisable to keep screen time to one hour or less per day.

Conclusion:

Aggressive behaviors like biting, slapping, or hitting are common during early childhood, particularly between 1.5 and 3 years of age. These behaviors are typically a phase of development and often reflect a child's need for attention or their frustration with limited communication skills. By approaching these situations with patience, understanding, and clear boundaries, parents can guide their children through this challenging phase while helping them learn healthier ways to express their emotions.