Many factors influence children’s behavior. It’s always good to think about why your child behaves in a certain way. When you understand the reasons behind your child’s behavior, you’ll be better able to respond appropriately. Children quickly learn to behave positively when they receive consistent and encouraging guidance from you. This means praising and paying attention when you notice good behavior and using consequences when you need to guide them toward better behavior.
Here are some practical tips, recommended by doctors and experts, to help you implement this positive approach at home.
Give Your Child Positive Attention and Spend Quality Time Together
Your relationship is the foundation for guiding your child toward positive behavior. You can build a strong, loving bond by spending time playing, reading, or talking with your child. Giving positive attention—like hugs, smiles, and encouragement—is very important. Spending quality time benefits your child’s mental and social health, helps them learn values, skills, and positive behaviors, and strengthens family bonds while boosting their self-confidence.
Be a Good Role Model
Use your behavior to guide your child. Children watch you to learn how to act, and what you do is often much more important than what you say. For example, if you say “please” regularly, your child is more likely to say “please” too. Being a good role model helps build a balanced, strong personality in your child and teaches values like honesty, responsibility, and respect. When parents set a good example, children naturally adopt positive behaviors, reducing the effort needed to correct bad behavior.
Teach Your Child to Talk About Their Feelings
Telling your child honestly how their behavior affects you helps them see things from your perspective. For example, “I can’t hear Grandma when you yell.” It’s best to talk about feelings when you are both calm. Helping your child understand their feelings and those of others helps them manage strong emotions like frustration, which sometimes lead to behaviors like tantrums.
Notice and Praise Good Behavior
When you see positive behavior, praise it. For example, “Great job! You’re playing so well. I really like how you keep all the blocks on the table.” Praise increases the chance of good behavior and reduces bad behavior. Try to focus on your child’s positive behavior more than the negative. It’s always better to give more positive feedback than corrections.
Get Down to Your Child’s Level
When you approach your child at their level, you can better understand how they feel or think. Being close helps them focus on what you’re saying about their behavior and makes it easier for them to follow your instructions. Learn to listen carefully, give your child space to express their needs, stay calm to maintain good communication, and pay attention to the words you use.
Listen Attentively
To listen attentively, nod while your child talks and repeat what you think they’re feeling. For example, “It seems like you felt very sad when Yusuf didn’t let you join his game.” This helps your child feel heard, respected, and comfortable.
Keep Your Promises
When you keep your promises, your child learns to trust and respect you. They learn that you won’t disappoint them if you promise something nice, and they also learn not to try to change your mind if you explain consequences. So, if you promise a walk after they clean up their toys, make sure you’re ready to go. If you tell a three-year-old they’ll have quiet time if they stop throwing dirt, be prepared to follow through.
Create an Environment That Supports Positive Behavior
Your child’s surroundings affect their behavior, so prepare an environment that encourages positivity. This can be as simple as having plenty of safe and stimulating toys in their play area. Also, make sure your child can’t reach things that could break or hurt them.
Decide What’s Important
Before you intervene in what your child is doing—especially before saying “no” or “stop”—ask yourself if it really matters. Ignoring unimportant behaviors and minimizing negative instructions reduces conflicts and negative feelings. You can use family rules to let everyone know what’s important in your household.
Keep Instructions Simple and Positive
Instructions should be clear, short, and age-appropriate so your child can understand and remember them easily. Positive instructions usually work better than negative ones because they guide your child’s behavior in a constructive way. For example, “Please close the door” is better than “Don’t leave the door open.” If you need to tell your child to stop doing something, always tell them what to do instead. For example, “Stop jumping on the bed. Please sit on the bed.”
Give Your Child Responsibility — and Consequences
As your child grows, give them more responsibility for their behavior and allow them to experience natural consequences. For example, if your child is responsible for packing their overnight bag and forgets their favorite pillow, the natural consequence is that they’ll go without it for the night.
Sometimes, you may need to set specific consequences for unwanted behavior. In these cases, make sure to explain the consequences and get your child’s agreement beforehand.
Give Your Child Opportunities to Succeed
Prepare your child to act positively, then praise them for it. For example, assign simple household chores or ways to help the family. Praising their effort encourages them to keep trying. Also, giving your child lots of practice helps them improve, feel proud, and want to continue.
Keep a Sense of Humor
Life with children is often easier when it’s lighthearted. Use songs, jokes, and playfulness. For example, pretend to be a “tickle monster” who needs the toys cleaned up. However, humor should never come at your child’s expense; young children can be easily hurt by teasing. Also, avoid joking when your child is misbehaving, as it might unintentionally reinforce the behavior by giving it extra attention.
Prepare for Difficult Situations
Sometimes it’s hard to meet your child’s needs and get things done—like shopping, driving, or appointments. Planning ahead for these tough moments helps. Give your child a five-minute warning before changing activities. Talk to your child about why you need their cooperation. This way, your child will be ready for what you expect.
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