The teenage years are far from short; they are marked by a whirlwind of behavioral changes. Adolescents shift from one state to another due to rapidly changing hormones and the style of parenting they experience—both its positives and negatives. As a result, their mistakes are often numerous and varied. Experts in education and psychiatry agree that teenagers don’t need a judge to condemn them or a father to punish them physically, but rather a guide to steer them and a mentor to show them the way.
Imagine a father yelling at his son for being late coming home or failing a subject, when he could have instead said: "I was worried about you—please try to let us know next time." Or when a teen fails at school, instead of shouting and blaming, you could say: "I know you're upset and disappointed. Let's come up with a plan to improve."
Dear mother, know that every mistake a teenager makes is an opportunity for guidance, and every moment of emotional reaction is a chance to show wisdom—through communication, respect, and fairness. We are raising mentally strong, socially mature, and morally grounded young adults—not through fear, but through sound upbringing and understanding.
This is what Dr. Nawal Al-Qattan, professor of education and mental health, emphasized in her conversation with the readers of Nadormagazine. She offered simple but effective insights on how to deal with teenage mistakes.
Rules for Turning Punishment into Constructive Discipline
1. Open Communication and Mutual Respect
Many teenage mistakes stem from a communication gap—not bad intentions. For instance, a teen might come home late without informing the parents, and it’s assumed they are being irresponsible. But if the father calmly asks, “What delayed you? Did something happen?”, the teen might explain they were helping a friend in crisis.
This kind of conversation opens the door to understanding and reduces negative behaviors. Teens who feel heard and respected are less likely to rebel, because they see their parents as partners—not enemies waiting to pounce on their errors.
2. Clear Rules and Consequences
Parenting cannot succeed amid chaos and unclear rules. Imagine a teen who doesn't know if phone use after 10 p.m. is allowed, and then suddenly gets punished for it—this can feel unfair. But if the rule was clear from the beginning, like: “We put phones away after 10,” then discipline becomes a teaching tool, not an emotional outburst.
If the rule is broken, a parent might say, “We agreed on this rule, and today you broke it. So, tomorrow you’ll lose phone privileges.” The teen then sees consequences as logical outcomes—not emotional punishment.
3. Avoid Physical Punishment: Use Educational Discipline
Educational and mental health experts agree that hitting does not teach—it intimidates. Teens subjected to physical punishment often become either aggressive or withdrawn.
Suppose a teen breaks a window while playing. Instead of hitting, ask them to help clean up and contribute to the repair cost from their allowance.
This teaches accountability and helps them understand consequences logically. Physical punishment, on the other hand, can lead to fear, resentment, and future dishonesty to avoid getting hit.
4. Balance Between Firmness and Encouragement
Teens don’t need constant severity—they need firm warmth. For instance, if your son tidies his room all week, don’t stay silent. Say: “I’m proud of you for keeping your promise.”
Words of appreciation are more powerful than repeated scolding. And when they make a mistake, say: “I’m upset about what happened, but I know you can do better.” Trust is built, and encouragement promotes better behavior. It motivates teens to do the right thing from within—not out of fear.
5. Respect Their Privacy and Individual Identity
The teen years are a journey of self-discovery. Your child may want to change their hairstyle or dress differently. Instead of reacting with sarcasm or rejection, try saying: “I see you're expressing yourself—would you like to tell me more about this style?”
Excessive control or constant comparison with others can create resistance. It’s better to respect your teen’s privacy and support them in building their identity. Identity should be shaped through dialogue, not imposed by force.
Constructive Strategies for Parents
• Set Expectations and Boundaries
For example, say to your daughter: “I expect you to be home by 9 p.m. If you’re running late, just give me a quick call.” Clear rules make teens feel secure because they understand what’s expected of them.
• Be Consistent, Yet Flexible
If your son comes home late because of a productive school activity, instead of punishing him, say: “I appreciate that you were doing something meaningful—but please let me know next time.” This shows that rules are flexible but still matter.
• Use Mistakes as Teaching Opportunities
Instead of asking: “Why did you do that?”, ask: “What did you learn from this experience?” This encourages self-reflection and turns mistakes into lessons.
• Be a Behavioral Role Model
If your teen sees you apologizing when you’re wrong, they’ll learn that saying sorry isn’t weakness. What they see you do matters more than what they hear.
• Encourage Self-Reflection
After a difficult situation, sit with your teen and ask: “If you could go back, how would you handle it differently?” This builds awareness and emotional maturity.
Unequal Treatment Between Boys and Girls
Often, boys are forgiven for what girls are harshly judged for. For example, if a boy goes out without permission, it’s brushed off: “He’s a boy—he learns from experience.” But if a girl does the same, she faces strict scolding, often tied to her gender.
This double standard creates psychological and social imbalance. Girls develop excessive guilt, and boys grow up avoiding responsibility.
The solution? Equal guidance and fair discipline for both genders, while respecting their differences without discrimination.
We must raise both boys and girls on values—not fear. Teach them that mistakes are measured by behavior, not gender.
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