Motherly Affection: Between Positive Nurturing and Harmful Overattachment

A mother's interaction with her young children is often characterized by warmth, tenderness, compassion, and attention. These are powerful indicators of positive outcomes in a child’s life, helping shape a successful academic and professional future, as well as supporting healthy social and emotional development. This underscores the vital role of positive parenting environments.

However, studies also show that excessive affection — when a mother’s love becomes overbearing or controlling — can negatively impact a child. This type of attachment, known as “pathological attachment”, can hinder the child’s psychological growth, delay the development of their skills, and prevent them from forming healthy, lasting relationships.

To explain this further, we spoke with Dr. Laila Farid, a professor of child psychology and education.

The Positive Effects of a Mother’s Love

A warm and loving home environment has a significant impact on a child.

Research has shown a clear difference between children aged 5–10 who received consistent maternal warmth and affection, and those who didn’t. The children who were more nurtured grew up to be more open, aware, and kind than their siblings who received less emotional warmth.

Other studies emphasize that things like warm hugs, bedtime stories, and maternal affection in early childhood can influence personality development even more strongly than previously thought — with effects lasting well into adulthood.

The Consequences of Pathological Attachment

Some mothers feel emotional distress simply when their child goes to sleep at night. Others may smother their children with protection, restricting their play or limiting their freedom to explore and take risks.

For example, they may not allow their children to engage in physically demanding activities like climbing or practicing sports such as karate, boxing, or wrestling — fearing they might get hurt. While these intentions may be protective, they can lead to serious psychological consequences:

Lack of self-confidence: The child may feel unable to make decisions or rely on themselves.
Difficulty adapting: They may struggle to handle new experiences or challenges.
Delayed independence: Overprotection can stunt the development of self-reliance and decision-making skills.
Troubled social relationships: The child may find it difficult to build healthy peer relationships, relying excessively on their mother.
Anxiety and depression: In some cases, extreme fear and overprotection can increase the child’s risk of mental health issues.

Signs of Harmful Overattachment

Overprotection: Depriving the child of chances to learn through challenges.
Excessive attachment: Restricting the child’s independence and contributing to psychological stress.
Overindulgence: Leading to low self-confidence and poor social development.

Types of Attachment

Secure Attachment (Healthy): A strong, balanced bond that allows for emotional closeness and independence.
Insecure Attachment (Pathological):
- Anxious Attachment: The mother clings to her child due to fear of loss, becoming overly dependent on their presence.
- Avoidant Attachment: The mother fears emotional vulnerability, causing her to distance herself emotionally while still being attached.

In such cases, the mother’s actions may seem caring on the surface but are driven by a desire for control, rather than genuine emotional connection.

Examples of Excessive Motherly Concern

From the moment the child is born, a natural bond begins. But sometimes this connection becomes excessive. For instance:

A mother feels anxious when her child plays in the garden, fearing injury or bullying.
She refuses to let the child go on school field trips, believing she’s protecting them from danger.
She avoids letting her child stay overnight at a friend’s house or run errands even when they’re old enough.
She fears letting her child ride a bike or try martial arts, and wishes she could keep them beside her 24/7.

Balanced Strategies for Healthy Parenting

Balance protection and independence: Let the child face challenges while providing support and safety.
Build self-confidence: Encourage your child to trust their abilities and face difficulties on their own.
Support social development: Help your child build friendships and avoid isolating them with excessive protection.
Focus on strengths: Encourage your child’s goals and highlight their strengths, rather than concentrating on their weaknesses.