Crossing Boundaries: The Workplace Questions That Invade Your Privacy

Have you ever shaken hands with a colleague in the morning, only to feel minutes later that you left the meeting feeling weighed down? Not by their tasks, but by their questions. That politely wrapped nosy question, or that unsolicited inquiry posed as if it were a right of camaraderie. So, what are those questions that seem ordinary but cross the safe boundary between you and your colleague? According to HR expert Engineer Murtada Al-Shalabi:

When do you plan to get married?

This phrase may seem casual, said jokingly or as small talk, but it intrudes deeply into someone’s private space without permission. The question reveals not only curiosity but also an implicit assumption that such a sensitive decision is open for others to probe or comment on. The asker might not realize the other person could be struggling with personal, social, or psychological reasons that make answering painful or something they avoid silently.

Why is asking about marriage an unjustified intrusion?

• It reopens wounds or pressures some prefer to keep silent.

• It burdens the other person with justifying personal choices.

• It breaks the silent wall protecting employee privacy.

How much do you earn?

Sometimes asked with innocent curiosity or under the guise of comparison, this question is one of the most sensitive in any workplace. A salary is not just a number but reflects professional standing and appreciation, which can vary for many reasons. Asking about it creates underlying tension and a sense of judgment or competition that lingers unspoken.

Why is discussing salary a minefield?

• It shifts relationships from camaraderie to silent rivalry.

• It stirs feelings of fairness or injustice within the team.

• It crosses professional boundaries into deeply personal territory.

Why haven’t you had children yet?

One of the most intrusive and superficially casual questions, touching a sensitive area linked to pain, loss, or deep personal decisions. Such a question forces the other to recall or mask their pain with a smile. The asker might not know they have crossed a human boundary no one has the right to breach at work.

What’s the risk of asking about children in the workplace?

• It invades privacy and exposes unwanted truths.

• It may remind the other of silent grief or failure.

• It turns an ordinary day into a heavy psychological burden.

Why do you live in this neighborhood? Haven’t you thought about moving?

This may seem like a normal question but carries an unjustified tone of judgment or surprise. Housing is not just a location but a decision tied to finances, family, and emotional factors no one should question without invitation. When asked, employees feel forced to justify personal matters unrelated to work, shaking their emotional stability.

Why is asking about where someone lives a hidden intrusion?

• It implies an unjust social judgment.

• It unsettles the employee’s sense of personal security.

• It drags the employee into explanations they never intended to give.

Are you thinking about quitting?

Asked with curious tones, its impact often exceeds intent. Mentioning the idea of leaving work disrupts the employee’s sense of security and shakes trust with colleagues. In some contexts, this information may be used against them or as a subtle threat. Thus, even a gentle question is actually a breach of workplace trust.

What’s the danger in hinting at job change?

• It makes the person feel monitored.

• It generates internal doubts that may later be used against them.

• It destabilizes belonging and fuels unnecessary suspicions.

Why are you silent or moody today?

A common question often asked kindly, yet it burdens the employee with explaining more than they feel capable. Silence doesn’t always mean a problem, nor does mood have to be perfect daily. When asked about their mental state analytically, the employee feels constantly observed and pressured to explain their lack of cheer or energy.

Why do mood questions feel innocent but draining?

• They make the person feel they have no right to emotional withdrawal.

• They invade the mental space needed for calm and quiet.

• They create internal tension for those too drained to talk.