It is natural that the primary responsibility for raising a child in a positive way, according to modern educational principles, falls mainly on the mother. However, this does not mean that the father's role diminishes. The father shares this responsibility equally and without bias. Therefore, raising a child requires coordination and cooperation between both parents. They must avoid excessive behavior or mistakes motivated by love, attachment, or tenderness because overindulgence in these feelings can lead to negative and destructive outcomes that greatly affect the child's personality in the future.
Often, you might hear people around your child describe him as cowardly or hesitant, and you notice that your child actually struggles to face others. But you may not realize that some reasons for your child’s condition stem from you. For this reason, Nadormagazine (a magazine) interviewed educational counselor Aref Abdullah, who shared five important tips to help you cultivate courage in your child from an early age, including giving him responsibility early on and avoiding scary stories. Here are the tips:
1. Don’t tell your child scary or frightening stories to make him brave
Be aware that the stories you tell your child play a big role in shaping his personality. Bedtime stories expand your child's imagination, strengthen language skills, and boost self-confidence. It is inappropriate to tell stories about ghosts, monsters, or frightening creatures (whether real or imaginary) because the fear felt before sleep settles inside the child and can turn him into a fearful person. This can cause nightmares and disturbing dreams, which can develop into psychological, behavioral, and health problems.
Tell your child stories about brave heroes and role models. Choose real stories from history or fictional characters that promote good and fight evil in realistic social contexts. For example, the story of Tarzan is not suitable for the real world, unlike a story about a hero saving children from drowning.
2. Allow your child to freely choose his own belongings
Giving the child responsibility from a young age makes him stronger and braver in making decisions in various life situations. There is a connection between children who take responsibility early and their ability to overcome problems courageously. Responsibility helps the child develop organized, rational thinking and enables social interaction and facing challenges. Courage is reflected not only in actions but also in words.
Let your child choose his clothes, school supplies, and even the food he likes. This is an important step in learning responsibility, self-discovery, opinion formation, and personality building. Avoid doing tasks for your child so he does not grow up fearful, hesitant, or introverted.
3. Praise his actions, not his personality, to encourage bravery
Praise any act of courage your child shows and make sure he feels proud that you recognize his efforts. Avoid over-pampering or praising the child excessively without reason. While it’s natural for a mother to think her child is the best, telling him this can harm his character, making him careless and irresponsible because he knows you will approve no matter what.
Stop punishing or shouting at your child repeatedly and replace those methods with encouragement, praise, and support. Always motivate your child’s positive behavior, even if small, but without exaggeration. Let the real situations your child faces demonstrate his bravery.
4. Let him defend himself to become brave
Avoid acting as your child’s personal bodyguard or protector by overprotecting him. Turning into a “prison” out of excessive fear is a big mistake many mothers make, which unfortunately creates a fearful and hesitant child unable to face society. No matter how old the child gets, he stays dependent on the mother as his shield, which ultimately harms him.
It is necessary for the child to go out into life and accept that he might get minor injuries, like scrapes while playing. Excessive protection, especially fear of diseases, weakens the child's immunity. Over-caring leads to weak, insecure children who can’t make even simple decisions without consulting their mother and become targets for bullying in school and social life.
5. Don’t show fear in front of your child; be his role model for bravery
Always remember you should be a role model in your child’s life. Some mothers, called “hysterical mothers,” unconsciously transfer their fears or phobias to their children. When a child senses his mother’s fear, it intensifies his own fear.
Be a role model in all situations by controlling your emotions. Don’t constantly talk about bravery and then break down at the first challenging moment in front of your child. Children learn by imitation and repetition, so remain patient and wise in all your actions.
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