Understanding and Managing Child Rebellion: From Early Childhood to Adolescence

Many mothers notice that their child begins to rebel or refuse to follow requests, even when no direct commands are given. This often happens because children sense when parents lose control—especially when parents are overly indulgent due to love or circumstances like being the firstborn, the youngest, or a child born after a long wait.

It is important for parents to understand that child rebellion, sometimes called a child “taking control” over the parents, results from the child believing there will be no consequences. This is a significant parenting mistake that can be avoided with the right approach.

Family education consultant Dr. Maryam Abdul Azim shared insights with Nadormagazine about the stages, forms, and management of child rebellion, from early childhood through adolescence.

Rebellion in Early Childhood (Ages 3-6)

Common behaviors:

• Children often use crying or screaming to express rebellion and get what they want, even if their requests go against household rules or health advice (e.g., demanding ice cream despite its negative health effects).

• Children may fake sadness or isolate themselves visibly to emotionally manipulate parents.

• Strong stubbornness appears, such as refusing to wear shoes or throwing them away.

How to handle it:

• Establish clear, simple, and consistent rules from an early age. Avoid any ambiguity or multiple interpretations (e.g., the rule about removing shoes applies everywhere, not just some doors).

• Ignore tantrums and fits of crying or screaming; responding to these encourages the child to continue such behavior.

• Stay firm and consistent to avoid encouraging manipulative behavior.

Rebellion in Middle Childhood (Ages 7-12)

Common behaviors:

• Children may use bargaining tactics, such as refusing to do homework unless they get something in return.

• Attempts to exploit parental inconsistencies: “Dad told me to do this” to contradict the mother or vice versa.

• Resistance to responsibility is common.

How to handle it:

• Ensure both parents use a unified and consistent approach. Avoid giving children chances to exploit differences between parents.

• Teach responsibility early and reward good behavior.

• Make clear that freedom comes with responsibility; challenging family rules does not grant freedom.

• Use a balance of firm boundaries and loving support.

• Use disciplinary measures appropriate to the child’s age—discipline should be constructive, not punitive.

Rebellion in Adolescence (Ages 13-18)

Common behaviors:

• Teenagers openly reject parental guidance and household rules, often finding pleasure in defiance.

• Adolescents exploit parental love and fear of loss, especially if previously spoiled.

• Increased social freedom leads teens to test limits outside the home.

• Teens may manipulate parental fears by pushing boundaries.

How to handle it:

• Engage in respectful dialogue rather than issuing direct orders.

• Set clear, firm, and consistent household rules to provide structure.

• Grant teens a degree of independence and privacy to foster a sense of maturity.

• Use smart monitoring rather than strict surveillance.

• Respond firmly to violations without aggressive or harsh punishments, which often backfire.

• Balance freedom with responsibility, encouraging healthy decision-making.

Summary

Child rebellion at different stages is a natural developmental phase but requires parental consistency, clear rules, and a balanced approach of firmness and empathy. Parents should avoid indulgence that weakens authority and instead build a relationship based on mutual respect and clear expectations.