In light of the material challenges and pressures of modern life, many couples find themselves struggling with various stresses. Often, these stresses lead to a situation where the husband, overwhelmed by the demands of life, loses his patience and emotional control. This may result in him unfairly transferring the weight of his frustrations onto his wife, manifesting as verbal or even physical abuse. In some cases, the husband may display an authoritarian or aggressive personality, lacking the flexibility to deal with his wife in a calm and rational manner, ultimately causing her to endure emotional or physical abuse.
In this context, Sada Elteb met with family relations expert Thanaa Al-Bardisi to discuss the issue of spousal abuse and how women can handle such situations.
What Does Abuse Toward a Partner Mean?
Spousal abuse, also referred to as "domestic violence" or "partner abuse," can be defined as a pattern of behavior where one partner uses abusive actions to exert control and dominance over the other. Abuse can take various forms, including physical, emotional, psychological, or financial. According to the United Nations (UN), abuse involves any behavior that intimidates, harms, insults, blames, or humiliates someone, and it can affect individuals from all socioeconomic and educational backgrounds.
Should a Wife Accept Her Husband’s Abuse?
Thanaa Al-Bardisi explains: "Domestic abuse is a serious threat to any partner in a relationship, and when it comes to the wife, the abuse can be even more dangerous due to the societal norms and traditions in Eastern and Arab societies. These cultures often place the burden on women to tolerate their husbands' abusive behavior in the name of family harmony. Women are taught to forgive and endure, putting the welfare of the family above their own well-being, even if they are suffering emotionally or physically."
Women are often expected to overlook their own pain and continue tolerating their husband's violent behavior for the sake of the family. However, there comes a point where a woman must recognize when she should forgive and when she should refuse to accept further abuse. Even if the husband apologizes and promises to change, there remains a lingering fear that the abuse could recur.
How Far Can a Husband Abuse His Wife?
There are several ways in which a husband can abuse his wife, and it is important to recognize these behaviors as warning signs:
Public Humiliation: A husband may intentionally embarrass or mock his wife in front of friends, family, or acquaintances.
Undermining Achievements: He may belittle her accomplishments or make her feel insignificant.
Control Over Decisions: The husband might strip her of her ability to make decisions or control her own life.
Verbal Abuse: This includes insults, name-calling, or constant criticism.
Emotional Harm: Damaging relationships with children or others in her social circle.
Isolation: He may restrict her from seeing friends or family, isolating her from her support system.
Jealousy and Possessiveness: Excessive jealousy and controlling behavior, including constant monitoring of her whereabouts and actions.
Financial Control: Preventing her from accessing money or refusing to share finances.
Physical Aggression: This includes pushing, grabbing, or hitting her.
Destruction of Property: Breaking objects, throwing things, or causing damage to their home when angry.
Threats and Intimidation: Using threats or fear to manipulate her actions and force her compliance.
How to Deal with an Abusive Husband
Thanaa offers practical advice on how to deal with an abusive partner:
Don’t Blame Yourself: The first step is to not take on the blame for your husband's behavior. It's important to understand that his actions are a result of his choices, not your actions.
Set Clear Boundaries: Clearly define what behavior you will not accept. Express to your husband that you will not tolerate abuse in any form.
Observe His Reaction: See if he acknowledges the harm caused and is willing to make amends, or if he repeats the same behavior.
Communicate Openly: Have an honest conversation about how you feel unsafe or uncomfortable with the abuse. Ask him about what is causing his anger, but be gentle and sensitive in your approach.
Discuss Concerns Calmly: If certain family members or friends are causing tension, talk about how this affects both of you. Express your feelings in a constructive manner, but also listen to his concerns.
Reaffirm Mutual Respect: Remind him that your life together is a partnership, and any challenges you face should be dealt with together, not through violence or anger.
A Final Word
Thanaa concludes: "Always remember, no one deserves to be abused. Abuse is not your fault, and you should never sacrifice your dignity or respect for the sake of others. Don't be afraid to seek help if you feel threatened or unsafe. Many institutions are available to support you if you find yourself in an abusive situation."
If you ever feel at risk or unable to manage the situation, remember that seeking help from support centers or trusted individuals can provide the necessary guidance and safety. Your well-being should always come first.
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